出国留学网专题频道英语笑话栏目，提供与英语笑话相关的所有资讯，希望我们所做的能让您感到满意！
下面是出国留学网编辑整理的英语小笑话，希望能让您捧腹大笑!
1、The Fish Net
Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?
A lot of little holes tied together with strings. replied the little girl.
翻译：鱼网
你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安? 老师发问道。
把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。 小女孩回答道。
2、律师和胳膊、宝马
A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.
"Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!", he whined.
"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"
翻译： 一个律师打开他的宝马车门，突然一辆汽车驶过来把门撞飞了，警察赶到现场，律师正痛苦地抱怨毁坏了他心爱的宝马。
“警察同志，看看他们把我的车弄的!!!”律师哀怨地说。
“你们律师真是物质至上，我很不舒服!”警察反驳说，“你这么关心你可恶的宝马，你可能没有注意到你的左胳膊也没了。”
律师终于注意到了血淋淋的左肩膀，“天哪，我的劳力士手表在哪儿?”
3、The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
George, how did you like your new teacher? asked his mother.
I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too.....
翻译：新老师
9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。
乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗? 妈...
出国留学网为您提供几则英语笑话，在帮助您英语学习的过程中逗您一乐!
I'm Trying to Stop It
"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?"
"No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."
“孩子，你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵?它感染了吗?”
“没有，老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进，一个耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。”
“I'm sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .”
“Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”
“Yes ，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”
“对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。”
“20美元!为什么?不是说好只要4美元。”
“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。”
TWO： Teacher：We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract. Now，can anyone give me a good example?
John：Well ，in the summer the days are long，and in the winter the days are short.
老师：我们都知道热胀冷缩的道理。现在，谁给我举个例子?
约翰：嗯，在夏天天都长，在冬天天都短。
Second language
A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She
watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice.
Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat was so terrified that it ran for it's life.
Mother mouse turned to her babies and said,...
下面是出国留学网小编为大家带来的英语幽默故事：《穿错了》，希望大家能够能在快乐中学习，在学习中快乐~
Wrongly dressed
穿错了
I wanted to look especially nice when I valked my son to his first day of kindergarten，so I took the liberty of borrowing an outfit from my younger，more fashionable sister，who was staying with us at the time. We had agreed not to borrow from one another without asking，but she was asleep，so I slipped some shorts and a shirt out of her drawer silently，planning to put them back before she woke up.
在陪儿子上幼儿园的第一天，我想打扮一下自己。我打算从妹妹那儿借身外衣，她年径而且时髦。妹妹和我们住在一起。我们有约在先，不经过对方的同意不能拿别人的东西。但那时她仍在睡觉。于是，我从她的衣拒里轻径拿走几条短裤和一件村衣，本想趁她没醒来时再放回去。
To my surprise .she was awake when I got back, but she didn't mention the clothes. We chatted about Jason's introduction to kindergarten. Finally，she smiled and asked coolly，"And how did Jason's teacher like my pajamas?"
让我吃惊的是，当我送儿子去幼儿园回来后，妹妹已经醒了。但她没说衣服的事儿。我们聊了聊儿子吉森在幼儿园做自我介绍的情况。最后，妹妹笑着并不动声色地问:“吉森的老师觉得我的睡衣怎徉?”
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下面是出国留学网小编为大家带来的英语幽默故事：《吹牛》，希望大家能够能在快乐中学习，在学习中快乐~
Bragging
吹牛
Three famous surgeons were bragging about their skills. "A man came to me who had his hand cut off，“said one. "Today that man is a concert violinist."
三名著名的外科医生在吹嘘着各自的高超医术。其中一个说:“有个人切断了一只手，他来找我治疗，如今，他已成为音乐会的小提琴手。”
That's nothing." said another.“A guy came to me who had his legs cut off. I stitched them back on，and today that man is a marathon runner."
“那有什么，”另一个不服，“有个家伙的两条腿全断了，我给他接上了。现在这家伙是马拉松运动员。”
"I can top both of you，"said the third. "One day I came on the scene of a terrible accident. ,There was nothing left but a horse's posterior---and a pair of glasses. Today that man is seated in the United States Senate. "
“你们俩都比不上我。”第三个人说，“有一天，我被叫到一起事故的现场。当时那儿什么都没留下，只有一个马屁股和一副眼镜。现在那个人就坐在美国参议院中。”
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下面是出国留学网小编为大家带来的英语幽默故事：《为母亲约会》，希望大家能够能在快乐中学习，在学习中快乐~
Dating for mother
为母亲约会
When the young waitress in the cafe in my building started waving hello every day，I was flattered. She was at least 15 years younger than I.
在我工作的大楼里有间咖啡馆，那儿的女招待每天见到我都向我打招呼。我因此受宠若惊。要知道她至少要比我小15岁。
One day she waved and beckoned to me. When I strolled over，she asked，"Are you single?"
有一天，她见到我后，朝我招手示意让我过去。于是，我便走了过去。她问我，“你现在是单身吗?”
Why，yes,"I replied，smiling at her broadly.
“对，是单身。”我满脸堆笑地说。
" So is my mom，”she said.”Would you like to meet her?"
“我母亲也是，”她说:“你愿意不愿意见见她。”
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下面是出国留学网小编为大家带来的英语小笑话：《正中下怀》，希望大家能够能在快乐中学习，在学习中快乐~
0n purpose
正中下怀!
Whenever I drove my old car over 55 miles per hour, it vibrated terribly, so I decided to sell it. My first customer wanted to buy the car，and I battled with my conscience over whether or not to tell him of the vehicle's problem. Finally I did the right thing. Expecting him to drop the deal，I was surprised by his reply.
每当我开车的速度超过55英里时，我那辆旧车就开始剧烈地抖动，所以我决定把它卖掉。当第一位买主来看车时，我犹豫该不该告诉他这车的毛病。最后，我还是决定说实话。我
原以为这下这笔买卖就完了，可是，他的回答却使我吃了一惊。
"That's okay，”he said.”I'm buying this car for my daughter. If she complains about a vibration，I' 11 know she is driving too fast."
“这没什么关来，”他说:“我是在替女儿买车。如果她一旦艳怨车子扦动的事，我就会知道她一定开了快车。”
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下面是出国留学网小编为大家带来的英语幽默故事：《病人和他的丈夫》，希望大家能够能在快乐中学习，在学习中快乐~
Patient and his doctor
病人和他的大夫
A woman complained that her husband constantly hung around the house，doing or saying nothing. To please her, he went to see a psychiatrist.“Just lie down on the couch and we'll talk. "the doctor told him. "If you think of something to say, fine. If not，maybe next time.”
一位妇女总是抱怨其丈夫在家里转来转去，无所事是，为了使老婆高兴，他找到了精神病学专家。“你就躺在沙发上，我们来谈谈。”精神病医生告诉他:“如果你想起什么就说，没有的话，下次再讲也行。”
The guy got himself comfortable and fell fast asleep. At the end of the hour，the doctor woke hirn up and said，"That will be all for today—$100，please. "The patient paid and left.
这位男士舒适地躺在沙发上，很快就入睡了。到了一小时，大夫唤醒了他说:“今天就到这儿吧，请交100元。”病人付了钱之后就走了，从此，那个人每周三、四来就诊。每次，他总是一句话也不说，光是睡觉，而且每次都付钱。第三周，病人来后坐下，然后又跳了起来。
The man came back every Tuesday and Thursday after that. Each time，he fell asleep without saying a word，but paid the fee. The third week, the patient came in，sat down and then jumped right up again."Aha,"， marveled the doctor. "Have you thought of something to say?"
“啊哈!”大夫惊喜道，“你想出要说的话了吗?”
"Yes，do you need a partner ?"
“是的，你需要一个助手吗?”
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下面是出国留学网小编为大家带来的英语幽默故事：《沙丁鱼的抱怨》，希望大家能够能在快乐中学习，在学习中快乐~
Sardines' complaint
沙丁鱼的抱怨
Two sardines were swimming in New York harbor when one suggested they go up to the Bronx for the weekend.”I'd rather not，"the other objected. "It's such a long swim."
两条沙丁鱼在纽约港游水，其中的一条建议到布朗恩斯(Bronx)去度周末。另一条沙丁鱼反对说:“我认为最好不去。要游的距离太长了。”
"How about taking the subway?'his companion asked.
“那么从地铁通道过去怎么样?”他的同伴问。
"No way!"replied the second sardine."And be packed in there like people?"
“不可能，”第二条沙丁鱼说:“难选要像人类那样到地铁里去乱挤吗?”
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下面是出国留学网小编为大家带来的英语幽默故事：《侦探狗》，希望大家能够能在快乐中学习，在学习中快乐~
Undercover dog
侦探狗
As I waited for my luggage at Atlanta's international airport，I noticed a government agent with a dog sniffing for illegal drugs among the crowd of arriving passengers. A woman next to me also saw the animal at work and noted That it was of mixed breed with long shaggy fur.“I thought those police dogs were supposed to be German shepherds，"she said.
在亚特兰大国际机场等行李时，我注意到一名政府官员带着一条狗。那条狗对所有到来的旅客的物品嗅来嗅去，以防止毒品入境。站在我旁边的妇女也注意到了这条在工作的狗是一条长毛的杂种狗.她说:“我觉得那条警犬可能是条德国的牧羊狗。”
Overhearing her comment，the agent replied,“He is， but he's working undercover.”
那名政府官员听到了这句话，回答说:“它确实是牧羊狗，但是它在做侦探工作.”
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下面是出国留学网小编为大家带来的英语幽默故事：《生日来临之际》，希望大家能够能在快乐中学习，在学习中快乐~
As the years turn
生日来临之际
For her 82nd birthday，I surprised my grandmother with a birthday greeting signed by the President. (Upon request，this service is available to seniors over 80.)When I asked grandma how she felt receiving a card from the White House，she had a ready answer. "There's no privacy in this country any more,"she said. "They even keep track of your birthday. "
我奶奶过82岁的生日时，我送给她一份惊奇的礼物—一张由总统签名的生日贺卡。(根据规定，80岁以上的老年人可得到此项服务。)当我问奶奶收到来自白宫的贺卡有何感想时，她毫不犹豫地回答说:“在这个国家，再也没有隐私了，他们就连你的生日都追踪着。”
更多英语幽默故事阅读敬请关注出国留学网英语资源栏目!
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