下面是出国留学网提供的搞笑英文个性签名，欢迎阅读。
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
越活越“二”。活到老，二到老。
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
在这个世界上，我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你，但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad
知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining
上帝瞅着咱们呢，大伙好歹喜感点吧!
I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端，不是为了成为一个素食者。
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt
剽悍的人生不需要解释。
It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the sudden stop at the end
跳楼的时候，“啊——”的时候还没死，“啪!”那才是死了。
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were
好客就是：让客人觉得他们像在他们家一样，尽管你真的希望他们滚回他们家。
If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants。
直译：如果你始终脚踏实地，那就别想穿裤子了。
意译：人太老实没法活。
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine。
世界总是在变，但我却怎么也便不出来。
人生何处不杯具，唯有面对饮水机。
Money is not everything There‘s Mastercard & Visa
钞票不是万能的，有时还需要信用卡。
One should love animals They are so tasty
每个人都应该热爱动物，因为它们很好吃。
Behind every successful man, there is a woman And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two
每个成功男人的背后，都有一个女人。每个不成功男人的背后，都有两个。
Every man should marry After all, happiness is not the only thing in life
再快乐的单身汉迟早也会结婚，幸福不是永久的嘛。
The wise never marry, And when they marry they become otherwise
聪明人都是未婚的，结婚的人很难再聪明起来。
Success is a relative term It brings so many relatives
成功是一个相关名词，他会给你带来很多不相关的亲戚(联系)。
Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today
不要等明天交不上差再找借口，今天就要找好。
Love is photogenic It needs darkness to develop
爱情就象照片，需要大量的暗房时间来培养。
Children in backseats cause accidents Accidents in backseats cause children
后排座位上的小孩会生出意外，后排座位上的意外会生出小孩。
"Your future depends on your dreams" So go to sleep
"现在的梦想决定着你的将来"，所以还是再睡一会吧。
There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning
应该有更好的方式开始新一天，而不是千篇一律的在每个上午都醒来。
"Hard work never killed anybody" But why take the risk? "
"努力工作不会导致死亡!"不过我不会用自己去证明。
"Work fascinates me" I can look at it for hours! "
"工作好有意思耶!"尤其是看着别人工作。
God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends
神决定了谁是你的亲戚，幸运的是在选择朋友方面他给了你留了余地。
When two‘s company, three‘s the result!
两个人的状态是不稳定的，三个人才是!
A dress is like a barbed fence It protects the premises without restricting the view
服饰就象铁丝网，它阻止你冒然行动但并不妨碍你尽情的观看。
The more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the more you forget The more you forget, the less you know So why bother to learn
学的越多，知道的越多，知道的越多，忘记的越多，忘记的越多，知道的越少，为什么学来着?
No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry
没有人值得你流泪，值得让你这么做的人不会让你哭泣。
If you fail, don't forget to learn your lesson
如果你失败了，千万别忘了汲取教训。
Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you
不要为那些不愿在你身上花费时间的人而浪费你的时间
Live a noble and honest life Reviving past times in your old age will help you to enjoy your life again
过一种高尚而诚实的生活。当你年老时回想起过去，你就能再一次享受人生。
To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world
对于世界而言，你是一个人;但是对于某个人，你是他的整个世界。
Never judge people by their appearance
永远不要以貌取人。
Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to
不要着急，最好的总会在最不经意的时候出现。
Remember the best love is to love others unconditionally rather than make demands on them
记住：最好的爱存在于对别人的爱胜于对别人的索求之上。
Use your crystal goblets Do not save your best perfume, and use it every time you feel you want it
举起你的酒杯吧。不要吝啬洒上你最好的香水，你想用的时候就享用吧!
Search for knowledge, read more, sit on your front porch and admire the view without paying attention to your needs
寻找更多的知识，多读一些书，坐在你家的前廊里，以赞美的眼光去享受眼前的风景，不要带上任何功利的想法。
Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you
在你想了解别人也想让别人了解你之前，先完善并了解自己。
Do not keep anything for a special occasion, because every day that you live is a SPECIAL OCCASION
不要将你的东西为了某一个特别的时刻而预留着，因为你生活的每一天都是那么特别。
Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile
纵然伤心，也不要愁眉不展，因为你不知是谁会爱上你的笑容。
"There are only two creatures," says a proverb, "who can surmount the pyramids-the eagle and the snail"
俗话说：“能登上金字塔的生物，只有两种------鹰和蜗牛。”
Remember: Whatever happens, happens for a reason
记住：任何事情的发生都有因有起。
It only needs early cultivation to become a power
只需及早培养，记忆自会成为一种才能。
Don't let a little dispute break up a great friendship
不要让小小的争端损毁了一场伟大的友谊。
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have
爱你的人如果没有按你所希望的方式来爱你，那并不代表他们没有全心全意地爱你。
Life is a chain of moments of enjoyment; not only about survival
生活是一串串的快乐时光;我们不仅仅是为了生存而生存。
Forever friend gets you through the hard times, the sad times, and the confused times
真正的朋友会与你一同度过困难、伤心和烦恼的时刻。
Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful
在遇到梦中人之前，上天也许会安排我们先遇到别的人;在我们终于遇见心仪的人时，便应当心存感激。
Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened
不要因为结束而哭泣，微笑吧，为你的曾经拥有。
However mean your life is, meet it and live it; do not shun it and call it hard names
不论你的生活如何卑贱，你要面对它生活，不要躲避它，更别用恶言咒骂它。
The smallest courtesies along the rough roads of life are like the little birds that sing to us all winter long, and make that season of ice and snow more endurable
在坎坷的生活道路上，最细小的礼貌犹如在漫长的冬天为我们歌唱的小鸟，那歌声使冰天雪地的寒冷变得较易忍受。
When you quarrel with a close friend, talk about the main dish, don't quibble over the appetizers
当你和你亲近的人吵嘴的时候，试着就事论事，不要扯出那些陈芝麻、烂谷子的事。
"Who shuts love out, in turn shall be shut out from love"
“谁拒爱于门外，也必将被爱拒诸门外。”
Perseverance can sometimes equal genius in its results
毅力在效果上有时能同天才相比。
Whenever you make a phone call, smile when you pick up the phone, because someone can feel it!
无论什么时候打电话，摘起话筒的时候请微笑，因为对方能感觉到!
A quiet mind may live as contentedly there, and have as cheering thoughts, as in a palace
一个从容的人，在哪里也像在皇宫中一样，生活得心满意足而富有愉快得思想。
Spend more time with your family and friends, eat your favorite foods, visit the places you love
花多点时间和朋友与家人在一起，吃你爱吃的食物，去你想去的地方。
A friend walks in when the rest of the world walks out
别人都走开的时候，朋友仍与你在一起。
Remember the three "respects" Respect yourself, respect others, stand on dignity and pay attention to your behavior
记住三个“尊”：尊重你自己;尊重别人;保持尊严，对自己的行为负责。
You cannot hold onto yesterday
不要摆脱不了昨天。
A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart
真正的朋友是一个可以援手帮助并感动你心扉的人。
The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them
失去某人，最糟糕的莫过于，他近在身旁，却犹如远在天边。
Do not delay anything that adds laughter and joy to your life
不要延迟任何可以给你的生活带来欢笑与快乐的事情
"Nothing is so mild and gentle as courage, nothing so cruel and pitiless as cowardice," says a wise author
一位明智的作家曾说过：“世上没有东西比勇气更温文尔雅，也没有东西比懦怯更残酷无情。”
Remember that silence is golden
记住：沉默是金。
Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to
不要着急，最好的总会在最不经意的时候出现。
Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to
不要着急，最好的总会在最不经意的时候出现。
Inner sunshine warms not only the heart of the owner, but of all that come in contact with it
内心的欢乐不仅温暖了欢乐者自己的心，也温暖了所有与之接触者的心。
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