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英语幽默笑话5分钟
1.A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is in their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,'Get the kid.'
这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话，千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。”
2.Mother: Freddie, why is your face so red?
Freddie: I was running up the street to stop a fight.
Mother: That's a very nice thing to do. Who was fighting?
Freddie: Me and Jackie Smith.
妈妈：弗雷迪，你的脸为什么那么红?
弗雷迪：我刚才在大街上跑，为的是阻止一次打架?
妈妈：你做的对，谁和谁在打架。
弗雷迪：我和杰克·史密斯。
3.A distinguished clergyman and the elders from his congregation attended an out-of-town meeting that did not finish until rather late. They decided to have something to eat before goint home, but unfortunately the only spot open was a seedy bar-and-grill with a questionable reputation.
After being served, one of the elders asked the clergyman to say grace. 'I'd rather not,', the clergyman said, ' I don't want Him to know I'm here.'
一位著名牧师和他教区的几位老人出席城外会议直到天黑才开完会，他们打算在回家前吃点东西。但很不巧只有一家名声不好的下等酒吧烤菜馆开着门。
饭后，一位老人要牧师祈祷。“我想我是免了，”牧师说。“我不想让主知道我在这里。”
4.Tom: William has asked me for a loan of five pounds. Should I be doing right in lending it to him?
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下面是留学网小编整理的3则英语幽默笑话，希望对你有用。更多资料尽在留学网。
1、The Fish NetCan you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?
A lot of little holes tied together with strings. replied the little girl.
鱼网你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安?
老师发问道。把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。 小女孩回答道。
2、The New TeacherGeorge comes from school on the first of September.George, how did you like your new teacher? asked his mother.
I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too.....新老师9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗?
妈妈问。妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。
3、《狗住旅店》
一个人给一家他计划在假期里停留的小旅馆写了封信，“我非常希望带着我的狗，它很干净很有教养，你能允许它和我睡一间屋子吗?”旅馆主人立即回了封信，“我经营旅馆很多年了，狗从没偷过毛巾，床单， 餐具，或者墙上的画。我也从没有在半夜因为狗喝醉胡闹而赶走它，狗也从不不付帐就跑掉。实际上我们非常欢迎您的狗来我们旅馆，如果它为您担保，也欢迎您来。
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved.
Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said,
"I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is ...
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